status: monica just stuffed herself full of self-cooked vegan food

huzzah. noodles, mung bean sprouts, organic tofu, miso and accompanying seasoning. i was starving, and then i stuffed myself. the rice cooker was like half full of stuff.

i met carrot today. i don’t think he has been doing so well. when he said, “you look good”, it struck me that he seemed the opposite, and that’s when i realized the skin around his mouth was very thin — thinner than i remembered, a.k.a. hollow cheeks. poor guy, running out of medication, then sleeping through the pharmacy hours… heh.

researching great women in computer science (daphne koller) for my cse 190 assignment had the opposite effect of what it was intended to do. instead of encouraging a female such as myself to go into the fields of computing and science, it discouraged me wanting to try in the first place. it confirmed my insecurities about intelligence –that, since i’m not a child prodigy nor exceptionally brilliant, i might as well quit aspiring for greatness and settle for mediocrity.

but then sometimes, i like to do things just out of spite. defy even the self-imposed conventions that i perceive around me. and sometimes i think it’s pointless and a waste of time.


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